Dear Friends…my sincere apologies for being late this week! I needed to spend more time reflecting on the content of this blog. As uncomfortable as this is – I had to address it, even if, in parts it sounds angry!
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I love those old “spaghetti” westerns, where the good guys wore white Stetsons and the baddies black ones, and interestingly the Stetsons never fell off, even in the most “violent” gun battle. In these movies the good guys always won and came out on top.
I think I need to sit down and watch a few of those movies. I need to see some good guys win. I need to see some justice!
No, I have not lost my mind, I am just plain angry at the moment.
It seems to me that a war is being waged against girls and woman, in the United States, Africa, Europe, name the place and I can guarantee you it’s happening there.
Many years ago, in conversation with some friends, we were talking about abuse against women and children, I suggested that when women shut down the economy in this country we will see a fundamental shift in how men treat us.
My comment was met with derision from some of the men folk, so I unpacked my suggestion. This is what I said.
“We, the women of South Africa are going to embark on a 24 hour strike/stay away. We will meet in the streets, on the pavements and in market squares; we will not be going to work.
So, you my dear friends, will have to make breakfast and get your children ready for school, and then you will drive to them school, only to be told that the school is not functioning as the women are out on strike, in a mad panic with kiddies in tow you will rush off to your place of work, be it factory, practice, police station, army barracks and so on – shame! You will be answering the phones, typing your own letters, all the while trying to keep your children fed and happy. By 10:00 I guarantee there will be havoc on the economic front and the stock markets will crash!”
To say they were shocked is an understatement, they were shattered. For a good few minutes I was met with silence, a stony silence, nobody was smiling or laughing or being sarcastic! All of a sudden it dawned on those men that women play a fundamental role in keeping the economy going as well as play a huge role in keeping society functioning.
We are so tired of being used and abused.
Women matter, our thoughts, opinions and our bodies matter!
Our lives matter. We matter.
If you want to know where I am going with this, please read the recent news articles about Gisele Pelicot whose husband is accused of inviting more than 50 men to secretly rape her while she was drugged. Some newspapers wrote the following “Rape survivor seeks revenge by”…What the hell, “revenge” How about changing that to “seeks justice”! Do you see what I mean? When are we going to stop this and when are we going to collectively voice our outrage and anger. When?
Let’s observe a moment to remember our Ugandan sister, Rebecca Cheptegei (a marathon runner in the most recent Paris Olympics) who was murdered by her ex-boyfriend.
While we reflect on this, let’s spend some time thinking about our South African sisters, shamefully the rate of violence against women and girls is among the highest in the world.
So how do we rectify this mess?
Personally, I think we need to relook at how we function as a family unit, how we communicate and what we teach our children; are we an example of generosity and kindness and do we show respect; in how we communicate with each other (between husband and wife; how do we speak to and what to we say to our children). Do we treat boys differently to how we treat girls? How does our behavior filter down to our children, are we good role models in how we treat people who work in our homes, in our garden, cashiers, shop assistants and the like.
Do we have conversations with youngsters about the need to be protective and kind to their peers? Do we tell boys sexually abusing a girl, even if she is “out of her mind” drunk, or that maybe her drink has been spiked and she is not in control of her decisions or her body is not on! Do we have discussions about politics, love, religion, prejudice, anger, art, music and laughter or are we all too busy on Facebook, Instagram or X.
We also need to reassure our children that they should never be afraid to tell us that someone physically, mentally and verbally abused them; and in so doing they will be treated with love, gentleness, respect and above all else they will be believed.
Oh yes, a burning question, where is the church in all of this? Worldwide and including South Africa, why is this met with silence!
When are we going to stop pushing the gross untruth that women are less and therefore should be subjugated?
When?
Who is with me in the quest to create a just and equitable society?
Saddle up, we ride at dawn…
13 comments
Anne
Sjoe! What a horrific story. We all hear that it takes a village to raise a child. Everyone in that village will be tainted by this revelation -men, women and children. I also angers me to think that her husband can actually try and apologies. One very brave lady.
Frans Bekker,
A very thought provoking article, Gail. Allow me to respond to this from a male’s perspective. Let me just say, from the outset, that I agree with you entirely. Women have had a bad “rap” throughout history. I don’t know of any woman that at some point hasn’t had to deal with some sort of sexual harassment, be it subtle or forthright. I don’t know of any woman that has not had to deal with patronizing men who think women are not worthy of being treated as an equal. I don’t know of any woman who has not been made to feel unappreciated. Sadly, at some point of a woman’s life, these experiences have manifested itself. And I am ashamed that this has been at the hands of males. But there is a very good reason for this. Its called FEAR, and I put the blame of this fear at the feet of religion. While I cant claim to be a scholar of religion ( I am an atheist) what I do see is a systematic suppression of women throughout history which has in turn been integrated into the value system of almost every society. My rationale on this is based on the fact that almost all religions, sects and cults do not allow women in leadership positions. Why? because, I as i am so often told, that is what is written in the Bible, Qur’an etc. Rules that were written thousands of years ago that are still applicable today. Ironically, Some of the finest leaders the world has ever seen are women. Think Margaret Thatcher, Angela Morkel, Indira Gandhi, Jacinda Ardern, Golda Meir and more recently, the fiery Alexandria Ocasio Cortez and Kamala Harris. All phenomenal leaders, and yet, religion does not deem women capable of leadership positions. It gets even worse. many religions discourage women to be properly educated. So project this way of thinking into society’s value system, and you have a mindset that women are inferior to men. It is a sad reality. So where does the fear component come in? Historically, I believe men came to the realization that they were in fact the weaker sex. Women are stronger emotionally and mentally. Suppress half the population , ensure they are poorly educated and do not allow them any form of decision making thereby stripping them of the respect they deserve, and you have eliminated any threat of being dominated by the stronger sex. In conclusion, I am proudly male, but I am not proud of how we have suppressed women throughout history.
Gail Charalambous
Thank Frans, for your very thought provoking response, I agree wholeheartedly with you, sadly men are terrified of women.
Nadene Simpson
Saddle me up my friend!!
Gail Charalambous
Yaaayy, thank you
Emma
very true. I will ride with you at dawn .
Gail Charalambous
Thank you Emma
GEORGE
I will certainly saddle up and join
Gail Charalambous
Yesss!
Jacqui
I share your anger & outrage!!
I will ride with you at dawn!!
Gail Charalambous
Jacqui, you were in my thoughts a lot – I pictured you saddling up and riding out with me and others
Beverly
I love you Gail!
I share your anger…. Love your blog
Wish I shared your ability with words ! Cos I certainly share your views xx
Gail Charalambous
My dearest Bev, I am so humbled by your very kind comment. Thank you