I am an empath and as such I and other empaths are acutely aware of the emotions of those around us, not only that but we feel the anguish of the world deeply. Cruelty and injustice against people and communities in other parts of the world affects and saddens us – we absorb it as if it were our own pain.
On a very deep level we feel the need to react to all the sadness by doing something positive – at least I do.
Bear with me for a moment.
Fascism is on the rise, hatred and prejudice is commonplace as well as suspicion and ignorance.
The world appears to be a hostile place.
So, here’s what I think!
We need to dispel hatred, prejudice and indifference and heal divisions by talking to, and getting to know each.
Many years ago I was privileged to be invited to journey with a group of youngsters and facilitators on the Unisys EduTrain. This was one of the most impactful and incredible experiences of my life. Our journey from Gauteng to Durban return took six days. Facilitators and participants were a fair representation of the South African demographics. For the first time South African youngsters got to eat, sleep, talk, workshop together in the same space as equals. It was a mind-blowing experience for all involved. We encouraged conversation and storytelling about township and suburban living, schooling, shopping – just sharing daily life. The black, coloured, Indian and white kids got to grips with their differences and their commonalities – they all got to understand what it meant to be the other. We all learned to dispel myths and prejudices, to separate fact from fiction and to recognise and value the person. The most important lesson we learned is that hate and hatred for another cannot become commonplace and that light will always eliminate darkness – we are therefore called to be the light.
Those youngsters showed immense courage and maturity as they did not shy away from having painfully honest conversations with each other – they talked about their fears, issues that bothered them and the effects that life in general had on them.
They laughed and they cried and we laughed and cried along with them.
Before the COVID pandemic and lock down I was made aware of Narrative 4, a global network of students, educators and artists who use empathy-based storytelling to equip individuals with emotional and practical skills they need to help bridge divides, both between and within communities. The core methodology is called the story exchange. The process involves pairing people off and telling each other honest stories from their lives. Later, in a group setting, each person recounts the story that the other person told them – the process is unique in that it you develop empathy. Narrative 4
I participated in some online story exchange sessions as well as completed a course in story exchange facilitation. In my experience it was thrilling and at the same time very scary, someone tells you their story and you in turn repeat that story as if it is your own. You get to own someone’s pain, hopes, dreams, loss and desires – you respectfully exchange stories with a deep sense of responsibility and empathy – you are holding someone’s precious thoughts, dreams and experiences in your heart, and the deepest part of another person’s soul. There is a fundamental shift in mind and soul, because you now recognize the whole person – not colour, or shape, or size – you see the person.
I am so sure that at this stage you must be wondering where the heck I am going with all of this?
We the people are powerful beyond measure – we can make a fundamental difference by getting to know each other.
We start dialogue in our homes with our domestic workers and gardeners.
We talk to cashiers and bank tellers and shop assistants, by connecting, sharing a joke or even asking about their families with grace and humility.
We start conversations with people we don’t know or are not sure of, folks who share a church pew with us, or who belong to the same club or service organisation. We start talking to and getting to know each other in a real and meaningful way. Who knows, we might even want to go as far as to organize a story exchange type of gathering.
Let’s stop being indifferent, instead let’s be curious about each other! We can institute great change by making a conscious effort to get to know each other and by sharing our stories with empathy, grace and humility.
