You Have Power Over Your Self-Talk

If you are like me, you would know your inner critic all too well. That voice in your head that constantly judges you, tells you that you are not good enough, belittles you and doubts you. The one that you have carried around inside of you since before you can even remember. Your conscience, your subconscious – call it what you will but that voice is a part of us, whether we like it or not. It is a big part of who we are. That voice is responsible for every bit of self-talk that you choose to engage with. In return, that voice can either encourage you, or make you feel incredibly worthless, useless and unloved. It says hurtful things to you. Things that you would never even think of saying to anyone else.

Everything that you say to yourself matters. That voice is not harmless. It limits you, stops you from pursuing the life that you were called to live and it can inhibit you. It is capable of robbing your very own peace of mind, as well as your emotional well-being. If this is left unchecked long enough, it can also lead to depression and anxiety.

What we say to ourselves is just as important as what you accept other people say to you. How we speak to ourselves is crucial. Self-talk is the most underrated and underutilized tool to improve our minds and our lives. Our thoughts influence our feelings. Our feelings influence our choices. Our choices influence us.

I am a teacher. I spend all my days with four to five year olds…they have seriously changed my life forever. They have taught me the simplest of things. I see them trying over and over again when they do not get things right the first time. I see them constantly giving of their best, even if they feel as though they are failing. On the odd occasion I hear an “I cannot do it, Miss Millar” but more often than not I get the honour to see them staying positive and speaking nice words over themselves. I want this child-like faith. I want to be able to face my challenges and not give up. I want to be able to climb a mountain and not back down because of what my thoughts are telling me. I want to be like my four and five year olds.

Our self-talk can control our lives. It can swamp us with feelings of anxiety, pain and worthlessness. It can either offer us comfort and encouragement or it can swallow you up and make you feel inadequate and anxious. It can provide us with opportunities and great relationships, or it can ruin our self-esteem and enjoyment of life.

1. Notice your critic

You have to become aware of your inner critic. Our thinking has become so automatic that we barely notice it before we move on to the next ugly thought. Making the decision to slow down and pay attention to every thought will help you become aware of your present thoughts. You feeling guilt and shame? Well, then your critic is at work. Do not give it that authority.

2. Stop taking its nonsense

Talk back. Talking back is important when it comes to taking away the critics power. “I do not want to hear what you have to say”. Give yourself the sense of choice in the matter. “Go away!”. Refuse to listen. It is a liar. Choose to be kind to yourself.

3. Change your self-talk

Our self-talk can change. It first requires us to become a lot more aware of what we are speaking over ourselves. Understanding that we are imperfect human beings that are allowed to make mistakes is the first step. Since when is it okay to beat ourselves up because we made mistakes? Since when is it okay to hold everything that we do against us so that we do not end up moving forward and living well?

4. Affirm yourself

Repeat your positive self-talk! Get the positive self-talk to outweigh your negative self-talk. You will begin to feel so much better. I promise.

5. Be Mindful

Only once we are aware of our self-talk, we cannot change what we speak over ourselves. You have a choice to change what you say about yourself. Write everything down that you love about yourself. It can be the smallest thing from “I really like the way my hair looks in the mornings” to “I have an incredible ability to lift someone up when they are feeling down and I love that about myself”.

Is that voice your friend or your foe? You have the power over your very own self-talk. Make it count.

“Think of all the people we would approach and meet if negative self-talk and insecurity did not bind us. Think of all the places that we would go to by ourselves. Think of the compliments that we would hand out to strangers. Negative self-talk – so yucky! I am done with it and drained by it. I am choosing to watch, observe, grow and love because golly – am I sick of choosing fear over it!”